Tweet Nothings:50 Shades of Disappointment
- April 25, 2012
- on 4/25/2012
- MoJo: Jennifer Gerlock
The 50 Shades of Grey trilogy THE book that everyone is talking about is, quite frankly, not all it is cracked up to be. Color me 50 shades of disappointed.
It has been called the “Mommy Porn” of this generation. An erotic publishing sensation that even Barbara Walters has admitted to reading.
I’ve been aware of the buzz this book has been generating for weeks now. Online. Offline. In the grocery store. On the television. Quite frankly, I can’t get away from it.
I thought it was some sort of Oprah book club phenomenon.
I was wrong. It was porn. Oh, excuse me, erotica.
The popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, written by English writer EL James, has stirred up quite the discussion about women and sexuality. So, being the journalistic type, I was anxious to get hold of the book, or even a snippet to see what had everyone so hot and bothered. Okay, maybe I wanted to read it a little myself. You know, for purely research purposes. Ahem.
What I found was just plan… bad.
The story centers around Anastasia Steele, a 21 year old virginal college student who cannot refuse the dashing 27-year-old multi-millionaire Christian Grey. Which in and of itself, is pretty ludicrous (because, a 27 year old self made multi-millionaire?) even before he unceremonious presents her with a contract and an NDA which allows him to submit her to his every sadomasochistic whim.
The plot is pretty much non-existent. (Which I guess is the point, now that I think about it.) They hit the sheets around 342 times a day. It is ridiculous. (Or is that normal for kids these days? I'm just an old gal, I’ve got no point of reference here.)
What bothered me most though was the corny dialogue. It was so painful to read. I mean, the heroine says a total of ten things to herself throughout the series… Crap. Holy Crap. S@%$T. Holy S@%$T. Jeez. Holy cow! And so on and so on. Arrgghhh!
What made it even worse was finding out (mid-read) that is that the story originally debuted online as a piece of Twilight fan fiction called “Master of the Universe.” Anastasia Steele = Bella Swan. Christian = Edward Cullen. They were crafted in the likeness of actors Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart.
Finding that out was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. Don’t get me wrong, I like good fan fiction, I just couldn’t think of the main characters the same way ever again. Especially during the bondage scenes.
I skipped over most of the second book and couldn’t bring myself to read past the goofy honeymoon yacht-around-Europe sequence. My favorite part of the series was discovering the phrase SHOUTY CAPITALS.
I have no doubt that my commentary here is offensive to many of my mommy pals, after all, they were the ones who effusively recommended the trilogy to me. And the thought has crossed my mind that perhaps I am somehow abnormal in my dissent.
Oh well. Like they say in the book...laters, babe.
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